The fear of revisiting the past…

An eventful week came to an end yesterday. It wasn’t hectic the way I expected. The first event was a business festival, totally new to me. The second event was an alumni meet. I was never a part of any alumni meet till date. Hence, I am too naive to explain the emotions associated with it. I always stay away from the past. Lesser are the days when I thought about them as well. Perhaps, I fear they would overwhelm me with emotions. Each day of my life has taught me a new lesson. Revisiting them would bring tears to my eyes, sometimes happy, sometimes sad. Of any kind, I prefer to stay away from tears.

In the alumni meet, I witnessed the overflow of similar emotions. I walked back to silence the moment I came out of the hall. As I walked through the green campus, wind pushing my hair streaks aside, I thought, “Am I walking away from the fact? Do I fear parting away?” That could be the reason why I do not make stable relationships in my life. I create an unseen and unsaid wall between myself and the person I interact, with a fear that he/she may hurt me once, either by moving away or by being too close.

Emotions make one less practical. I remember the 10-year old girl who scribbled in her diary, ‘never let emotions rule your world.’ And trust me, I never did. May be the moment I scribbled those words, it sunk deep into my heart that it became a part of my life. I carefully tread to not get emotional on anything. It helps me to stay strong and independent.

These stories apart, today is a holiday. Tomorrow is republic day, again another public holiday for us. I have things planned on my to-do list. Hope to make the days useful.