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| Source: Wikihow |
So, let us
start with today – 15 January 2016. The day is auspicious for people from the
state of Tamil Nadu. They celebrate Pongal today. For me, it was a day of
extreme laziness. I was on bed as far as I can remember, except for the few
moments when I watched television and ate food. Oh! I ate even by
watching television.
If you
think, I was sleeping the whole day, then you are wrong. I was practically in
my routine of thinking everything negative yet to happen in my life. I thought
myself going crazy and be within the cells of Bangalore NIMHANS after my beau leaves
me. Or I wished him good luck for his marriage with a random girl. I spoke to
my late father. I told him how much I feel lost after his death. I told him how
deeply his absence has affected me. I dreamt about living within deep woods in
a wooden house, as read in the fairy tales. I visualized about decorating my
room with books. I cursed about my habit of procrastination. I looked at my one
year old niece with a sense of jealousy because she could smile with much
innocence, which I could never do. I thought about our house, my lost
childhood. I surfed through the appreciation certificates I received during my
school days. And, wondered how good a student I used to be. I even made a
striking comment in my head – “I was a good girl when my parents brought me
up, I turned useless when I started growing up myself.”
Days like
this are not new. It always happened to me. If there is one thing that I wish to
change myself, this is it - days when thought tsunami hit me. If hit, it leaves
me dead. Like every time, I now think about ways to get rid of it. And, as
always, keep trying. Trust me, it still repeats! And, I am still the samurai
who fights against it.
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